In uncertainty, in doubt and when you're in a mess.
I was recently appointed as the Youth Director in my church. Since then, I've been really concerned. I know that its a big responsibility. Its a monumental task to lead young people, not only to Christ, but to teach them how to be respectable, honest, kind, loving young people who will be able to take care of themselves especially in difficult times. Its teaching them life lessons, how to survive, how to cook, how to manage finances, how to look for jobs, and any other adulting lesson you can think of.
I have my ideas, and the messages I know the Lord wants to give, but recently I've been worried on how I'd deliver those messages. Some youths are shy, some youths are really busy... I wonder if I'll be too far in age... Too talkative... Too boring... I wonder if parents will support... Will reinforce... Needless to say, I've been wondering a lot.
Then I remembered something that my friend told me when she gifted me the book that I spoke about in my last blog. She said, "I want you to get back to where you were before you started this job." When she said that, I realized that it was the Lord speaking to me through her because I immediately knew what it meant. Prior to my job, I mentored young people. I went out of my way for them. Supported them in all their ventures, their talents, the start of their businesses and the things that bothered them. When I started to work and started my MBA, I couldn't do that again, at least in the way I wanted to.
I should have caught it then.... I should have caught it when I was getting random ideas for youth programs afterwards... and still I thought to myself that I really don't think I should be the one to lead them. There's no way the Lord would put me in that position! Then when my Pastor spoke to me, I realized that the Lord really wanted me to do this. My friend's voice replayed in my head. I couldn't turn it down but... I couldn't stop being terrified.
So I though it would be nice to read the next story in the book, that my had friend gifted me. There it was. The right story, when I needed it the most. "When life feels like a mess, there's something we can do." by Rachel Macy Stafford. In summary, she had just come out of a surgery and wanted to write something to her family and friends about the ordeal. She was feeling so messed up on meds, on the aftershock of the procedure itself and she was concerned about messing up what she wanted to say. Mixing up her words, misspelling and just messing up her message. But she did it anyway and posted it. Her message was about seeking help when you feel like something is wrong in your body and emphasizing to never give up. Afterward, two neighbors reached out to her and explained that they did just that and how vital it was that they needed to see that message.
"Though I felt like a mess, I provided a vital message" - Rachel Macy Stafford
Then to top it off the story end in a prayer which was exactly what I needed. "Give me the words, and the opportunity to deliver the message I have to share, even especially - when I feel like a mess."
Just a month before I left my job, I had gotten a message from someone in a country far from mines about a blog he came across. That blog was one I had written years ago and had long forgotten on Game development and God. An unusual topic but he found it because he was studying it. He wrote to me a long and genuine message on how it impacted him and motivated him and he told me, "Don't stop writing. People need to hear the message. It will impact people." I told him I got busy and I stopped blogging which was true...but I was also discouraged. I really didn't think it would reach anyone. My website insights reflected just that. But it reached him. It impacted him and now I have a friend in Africa! It wasn't when or how I thought it would reach anyone but the message did do what it had to do and that blessed my heart! After nearly 5 years it encouraged someone in the Lord and blessed him as much as it did!
So I'm writing this blog to say this. I've be concerned with how I should speak, what I should do, thinking about what others might think or say or oppose... God gave me a message and I will deliver it. I'll deliver it to 100 people, 10 people, 5 people or 1 young person. I'll deliver it. I'll plant it and it'll grow, when God sees fit for it. When that young person needs it the most. They will remember, like I've remembered the lessons that I needed to remember, when I needed it the most. Maybe that same day, that week, that month or years down the road when they themselves have kids, they'll remember.
We are meant to deliver our message, especially God's message, even if we feel like a mess.
Maybe you needed to know this too. Maybe you need to know that your voice does matter. Your encouragement matters. You may not think you can speak well, connect well, write well, spell well, be in good health, or be smart enough, but that doesn't matter. Do your part, deliver the message and God will do the rest.
Blessings always in Jesus,
Celine Elizabeth